Ask The Classes
by RetroGamer93
Summary: Welcome to the first Q&A for TF2 and also my first fic so have mercy and enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**The is my first fanfic so have mercy :D**

In a dark studio sits 9 shadowy figures.

**Scout**: What the hell is going on, WHERE THE HELL ARE WE!

**Engineer**: Calm down son lets just try to figure out where we are.

**Spy**: it appears we been gathered but the reason is still unknown.

**???**: I Gathered you here!

**Everyone**: !

**Medic**: Who is vhere.

A Shadowy figure emerged from the shadows.

**???**: Hey my names retro how you doing.

**Medic**:...

**Spy**: Why have you brought us here explain now.

**Retro**: I have gathered you the finest soldiers for a top secret high risk mission that may cost you your lives.

**Scout**: AWESOME WHAT IS IT.

**Soldier**: Yes Private spit it out double time undercover warfare, assassination, demolition.

**Retro**:Not even close you are in a Q&A :D.

**Scout**: Huh.

**Pyro**: wfuh tue huhh uh thuh

**Retro**: Hold on Pyro no one can understand you here talk in this

Retro hands Pyro a small strange looking device

**Retro**: Now repeat.

In a posh English accent the device echoes.

What the hell is that.

**Everyone**: O_O

**Heavy**: Little masked man speak normal.

**Scout**: And why does it have a corny English accent.

**Retro**: Hey don't blame we its all I could afford.

**Spy**: Anyway Mr Retro you mentioned some sort of Q&A was it.

**Retro**: Right a Q&A is when your fans write in questions and dares and you answer or in some cases suffer for there amusement.

**Demoman**: And what if we refuse lad.

**Retro**: Then I will do what ever author of a fanfic does misuse my powers to make you suffer unimaginable pain.

**Scout**: Yeah Right.

Retro clicks his finger and suddenly Scouts bat starts hovering and like a pistol shot smashes into his face sending all of scouts teeth flying in all directions.

**Retro**: Any other questions?

Everyone expected Scout shakes there head

**Retro**: Good Medic heal Scout for me.

**Medic**: Vhy not use your auvher powers.

**Retro**: Because I'm lazy and to me its an improvement.

Scout Barely lifts up his hand only to give Retro the finger.

**Retro**: So start reviewing and prepare for the first TF2 Q&A see you soon.

**Demoman**: Anyone got any booze.

**I am trying to capture all there unique accents in this and it is hard mostly medic anyway review lets get this on the road :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Retro**: Hey guys how you doing?

**Scout**: Lame.

**Medic**: How long are ve going to be stick here.

**Retro**: Until I say so anyway we got reviews!

**Retro**: Lets start with one from Eric G.

**I want to ask medic a question :D**

Dear medic,  
You are always so high strung when is the last time you got laid? xD

And one for pyro too :D

Dear pyro,  
Why do you often choose the regular flamethrower over the backburner?

**Retro**: Well Medic?

Medic blushes lightly.

**Medic**: Vhat kind of sick question is vhat.

**Retro**: Welcome to fanfics now answer.

**Medic**: Never I'm still a virgin.

**Retro**: What was that louder

**Medic**: I SAID I'M A VIRGIN HAPPY.

**Scout**: NO WAY HAHAHA AND PEOPLE CALL ME A VIRGIN, YOU OLD FART XD.

**Soldier**: How shameful you are a disgrace to men everywhere.

**Retro**: Indeed how old are you anyway.

**Medic**: I Vefuse to answer any more questions.

**Retro**: Spoil sport.

**Medic**:....

**Retro**: Anyway Pyro?

**Pyro**: I like my original flamethrower better because I can air blast all the annoying crits and sticky's and for the fun of watching people pissed at dieing by there own crit.

**Retro**: Don't we all :).

**Demoman**: You Mask wear freak show back in the day we lads fought with honor not using the cheap toys nowadays.

**Retro**: Demo shut up, I will give you boozes?

Retro holds up a crate filled with alcohol.

**Demoman**: Sweet aunty's false teeth gimme!

**Soldier**: That Commie would betray his country just for a drop of alcohol.

In ten second the entire crate is empty.

**Demoman**: Hey Yooou BIG Bald Bastard them be fighting wordssssss.

**Retro**: Demo you are talking to a spoon.

**Demoman**: Don't beeee fooled matey he will **hic** he will try to kill us all.

**Sniper**: Blimey he's more pissed then a water buffalo.

**Demoman**: Heeey cutey how you DOing Give me a kissss?

**Scout**: DUDE BACK OFF!

**Retro**: Right...... We will be right back.

A couple hours and several Scout humpings Latter .

**Retro**: Hey a lot here from **Flygon Pirate.**

**Scout: **Dude I fell violated.

Dear Engineer,  
As a huge fan of yours, I always wanted to know if you take off your goggles. Yes, I know you're awesome when you leave them on, but do you take them off at all or not? Just curious...Oh! And are you going to do anything to stop Spies from sapping your sentries and other stuff?

Dear Medic,  
I've heard you were part of the Nazi Party back in World War 2. If that's true, why did you join the Nazis and what was your goal back then? (No, I am not calling you a Nazi)

Dear Heavy,  
Are sandviches the only thing you eat? And what was the inspiration to giving your gun the name Sasha (Not that I'm making fun of her...)

Dear Pyro,  
Are you ever going to show your true self at one point, taking off your gas mask and showing your face to the world? (Although I think you're cute with it on...:D)

Dear Scout,  
Have you ever taken the time to slow down once every now and then (not during battles and warfare at 2Fort, of course)

Dear Soldier,  
Why are you so obsessed about wars (especially World War 2)? What made you want to go all the way to Germany to participate World War 2?

Dear Spy,  
...Wow...I can't believe I'm going to ask you a question! Anyway, what do you prefer: The Ambassador or the butterfly knife? (I think I may know what the answer is anyway)

Dear Demoman,  
How was your past like? Living in Scotland and all? (I'm just curious)

Dear Sniper,  
Do you like making jarate? How did that all start really? Do you really take pride in your jarate? And how was your survival test in the Outback? How did you manage to conquer it?

I think that's all the questions I have for now. I'll be coming up with them once you update again!

I like the idea of a Q&A fic! Great job! Keep it up with your first fan-fic! ;D I'm rooting for ya!

**Retro**: Thanks for the support anyway first engineer?

**Engineer**: Well damn of course I take them off trying to have a shower with them on is tricky.

**Scout**: Dude seriously to much information.

**Engineer**: And as for the spy's I try lots of different ideas but they always bloody bypass it.

**Spy**: But of course.

**Retro**: Medic

**Medic**: Vhy does all vheir people all ask stupid question NO I was not in vhe Nazi party I was a simple doctor back then, vhy does everyone hate me.

Medic sits in the emo corners crying about his childhood and heavy go's to comfort him (no slash intended :P)

**Soldier**: Him in the war that spineless maggot would not last 5 seconds.

**Demoman**: aye I'd drink to that.

**Retro**: Next HEY HEAVY OVER HERE QUESTION.

Heavy leaves Medic to his grieving and comes over to read the question.

**Heavy**: Small man asks strange questions, sandvich is not all I eat, I use sandvich because its easy to eat in combat and because I get constipated very easy.

**Scout**: Dude once again to much information I'm going to have nightmares.

**Heavy**: Why I name my Sasha, Sasha because she is like my aunt strong and powerful I use it to strick fear into the little babies.

**Retro**: Another for Pyro.

Pyro blushes lightly but with the mask no one could see it.

**Pyro**: I was picked on a lot as a kid so I am shy that one of my main reasons and maybe in the future I will take of my mask. I look cute?

**Retro**: Good idea because a lot of people think your a girl with your pink handbag.

**Pyro**: WHAT AND HOW DO THEY KNOW ABOUT THAT.

**Retro**: Fear the minds of fans anyway moving on scout your up.

**Scout**: Finally I'm way cooler then all these losers, do I every slow down AS IF I am 100 percent pure energy you can't stop the scout I'm always on fire.

**Pyro**: Yeah you always are, you burn nicely running into my flames all the time.

**Scout**: Dude shut up it only happened once.

**Retro**: OK Soldier your turn.

**Soldier**: I WAS BORN TO BE IN THE ARMY SON, PEOPLE NEEDED TO BE KILLED AND I WOULD BE THE ONE TO KILL THEM AND AS FOR WW2 SON WHEN YOU FIGHT FOR YOUR NATION DISTANTS IS NOT AN OPTION WEATHER IT WAS TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH I WOULD HUNT DOWN MY ENEMY AND MAKING HIM REGRETE CROSSING ME!!!

**Retro**: Whoa how can you stand him

**Sniper**: That is a bloody good question mate.

**Retro**: Spy?

**Spy**: Well of course it depends on the situation a trained killer like me is always prepared, but personally I like the butter knife nothings more quicker and silenter then a knife to the back.

**Retro**: Demo care to bless us with your childhood?

**Demoman**: Aye lad there be a tale, the homelands was like a dream, the booze, the pubs, the fights I loved it apart from that asshole pub landlord always, You've had enough and all that bullocks I say when I had enough and then I punched him in the face should of seen him afterward hahaha..

**Retro**: Finally Sniper?

**Sniper**: Jarate ain't all fun and games mate I make it because I have to camping for hours on end really stresses your bladder and as you can see it comes in handy aye spy.

**Spy**: Very you repulsive bushmen.

**Sniper**: Ah the outback that was many years ago and to be honest mate, I have no idea how I passed it, I just did all I can remember is vague memory's of tracking across the outback.

**Retro**: I think we have time for one more here's from Starboy34tcoos and hey medic you have a dare to.

**Medic**: VHAT???!!!

Scout:how does it fell knowing Red spy does your mom?  
Medic: Kiss sailor Venus!!  
Demoman: Kick Spy in the crouch!

Till next time all.

**Medic**: I don't like vhis anymore :(.

**Retro**: Look on the bright side Medic Spy has it worse.

**Spy**:..........

**Retro**: Anyway Scout how did you feel?

**Scout**: Oh yeah I was totally OK with it …. HOW THE HELL DID YOU THINK I WOULD FEEL SPY AND MY MOM DUDE THATS JUST NASTY.

**Soldier**: But your mother had a nice rack in those pictures.

**Heavy**: Da it is true:).

**Scout**: Dude Shut up or I'll bonk you into next week.

**Retro**: Scout no threatening your teammates.

Retro snaps his fingers and scout is suddenly tied to the chair and gagged.

**Scout**: mffff mmff *$#!& mfff.

**Soldier**: Impressive.

**Spy**: Indeed.

**Retro**: Cheer up Medic your dares next and you get to kiss a Underage girl.

**Medic**: And if I refuse.

**Retro**: I have a lot of other underage girls outside that would love to get a piece of you.

**Medic**: NO PLEASE anyvhing but vhat.

Retro clicks his fingers and Venus randomly pops up in the room.

**Retro**: Now kiss!

**Medic**: Vhy do I suffer so.

Medic goes to kiss venus only to get punched in the face and be called a pedafile.

**Spy**: How pitiful.

**Retro**: Don't get to comfy Spy your next demo if you would :).

**Demoman**: It be my pleasure lad.

**Spy**: If you 2 are not dead by the end of this I will kill you myself.

Demoman kicks Spy straight in the balls and Sniper could swear he heard something pop afterwords Spy continued to roll around on the floor swearing in several languages.

**Scout**: Damn That's got to hurt.

**Soldier**: Better him then me.

**Retro**: Aww anyway that's all for this chapter hope you enjoyed and send in more reviews until then good bye.


	3. Chapter 3

**Retro**: Hey guys we got loads of reviewers. :D.

**Scout**: Oh Great....

**Retro**: We also got another one from **Flygon Pirate**.

Uh, just to let you know, I am a girl, seriously...But I forgive you. X3

I have more questions:

Dear Medic,  
I apologize to hurt your feelings...Can I have a hug from you? Because I feel sorry for insulting you...It makes me sad when others I care about are sad.

Dear Engineer,  
What was your favorite subject in school? Just wandering.

Dear Spy,  
What is your biggest fear? You don't have to be specific...

Thanks for answering all my questions! I'll have more later! Keep up the good work! :D

**Retro**: OK first off sorry Flygon anyway Medic?

**Medic**: _Sigh _its alright I have been very stress lately with someone.

Medic glares at Retro.

**Retro**: What?, anyway next up Engineer.

**Engineer**: Back in the day I was a real fan of that woodwork thing.

**Retro**: Uh man I could not stand that I have lousy crafting skills, so.. Spy your biggest fear?

**Spy**: You won't laugh will you?

**Retro**: Maaaaaybe.

**Spy**: :( it's spiders.

**Retro**: What you mean like this one.

Retro tosses a spider onto Spy's lap and spy screams like a little girl, everybody laughs while spy rolls across the floor scream "IS IT OFF YET".

**Retro**: Oh man that was so good sorry Spy anyway next set of questions this one from Darcy2005.

I have a question fo Spy. Are you of any relation to the Tentaspy or the Spycrab? And are any of the team members a part of the P.E.T.T. or the S.O.S.?

**Spy**: ALL right who let out the Crab Spy I did that once at a party and know the hole world knows and secondly whats a Tentaspy?

**Retro**: Here take a look.

Retro hands Spy a photo.

**Spy**: WHAT THE HELL!!!

**Scout**: Whoa dude that's messed up.

**Retro**: And the next question.

**Everyone**: No and No.

**Retro**: Whoa that was quick anyway next set comes from Madamecrystal.

1 say Heavy, aside from the medic, who we all know you can trust in battle to keep you alive, who do you trust most on your team, and who do you trust the least?

2. Spy we know you speak english, french, spanish and italian, but do you speak german, how about russian?

3. Saving the best for last, hey medic how does it feel knowing that hundreds if not thousands of legal age girls think you are the hottest member of the team?

**Heavy**: Aside from the Doctor I trusted Sniper, Soldier and Spy.

**Scout**: WHAT THE HELL FATSO YOU TRUST SPY BUT NOT ME.

**Heavy**: Da you little man I trust you the least.

**Scout**: WHAT!!!!

**Retro**: Damn Scout everyone hates you :P.

**Spy**: He is a little troublemaker alright and as for my question I was going to but because Medic and Heavy was on the team I Didn't have to.

**Retro**: And finally Medic.

**Medic**: If vhey are anything like those fangirl I don't want to know.

**Retro**: Dude you turn down thousands of lady's no wonder your a virgin.

**Medic**:..........

**Retro**: And lastly for this chapter we have dares from Crazylaura64.

I couldn't stop laughing! And I have some questions:

Hey Scout, I dare you to do Peanut Butter Jelly Time!

Um, Medic, would you be offended if I asked you if you would dance to Heut ist Mein Tag?

And that's all!

**Scout**: DUDE NO WAY NOT IN A MILLION YEARS!!!!

**Retro**: You have to.

**Scout**: NOOO!!!

**Retro**: JUST FOR THAT YOU HAVE TO DO IT IN THE BANANA COSTUME.

**Scout**: BACK OFF.

**Retro**: Heavy, Soldier care to give me a hand?

**Heavy & Soldier**: Sure.

**Scout**: What don't listen to him STAY AWAY, AH DUDE GET OFF.

**Retro**: Take him to the room and put the suit on him.

**Heavy**: Da.

Heavy and Soldier drag Scout into the changing room while all the rest could hear was faint arguing and fighting.

**Retro**: Well while we wait for him Medic lets do yours.

**Medic**: Vhat dance?

**Retro**: Here I'll show you.

Retro pulls out a laptop and shows Medic the song on youtube. (lol XD)

**Retro**: Got it?

**Medic**: I Vhink....

**Retro**: Now Dance.

Retro puts the laptop on full blast and Heut ist Mein Tag starts playing the next couple of minutes felt like years for poor Medic as he try's to dance with a song he only just heard it was a pathetic sight imagine a nerd dancing at a school prom and bang Medics dancing.

**Retro**: Come on Medic Get Funky.

After that Medic started to do the Techno viking.

**Everyone**: O_O

Finally after severfal minutes of the Techno viking the music stops and Medic drops on the floor.

**Retro**: Yo you alright.

**Medic**: Huff huff ya huff huff.

**Retro**: Yo Guys he ready yet.

Heavy and Soldier come out dragging Scout in a banana costume.

**Scout**: I hate you so much.

**Retro**: I know :) now sing.

Peanut Butter Jelly Time starts playing.

**Scout**:......Its peanut butter jelly time....., peanut butter jelly time....., peanut butter jelly time.......,

Wha... yee, Wha….yee, Wha....yee Wha...yee

**Everyone**: XD.

**Retro**: HAHA FASTER.

**Scout**: sigh Now there you go, there you go, there you go, there you go

peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly.

**Medic**: Stop HAHA my rib hurts HAHA.

**Retro**: HAHA SCOUT MAN THAT BANANA COSTUME SUITS YOU.

**Scout**: ALRIGHT THATS IT!!!!!

Scout tackles Retro.

**Retro**: Hey man not fair I can't look at you to funny.

**Scout**: YOU SON OF A...

A Fight breaks out with scout rapidly falling over in the costume and retro laughing like theres no tomorrow.

**Retro**: Haha sigh that all for today see you soon.

Retro runs out the studio.

**Scout**: GET BACK HERE YOU IRRITATING BASTARD.

**There you go chapter 3 is done now I may not update as rapidly as I have previous because I'm going to start other projects soon but don't worry I will continue and people who haven't had there questions answered yet I will do them all eventually so keep watching :). **


	4. A little update with bad spelling XD

Hey guy's im back sorry to just up and vanish on you but alot of stuff happened during my time on fanfiction

for one my computed died and i lost all my files and trying to sort out college and junk.

so just a heads up for anyone still watching me im back and with hopeful start up my storys again if i have time.

To all my fans RetroGamer :D 


End file.
